365 Reasons to Love

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GA5zccBUCxM

 Never Spoken

Kylie Minogue/Steve Anderson

 

I know I’ve said too much

Confessing to my love

I was caught up in the moment

Should have tried to keep my cool

But I tried to bend the rules

In any case you would have known it

 

By the way that I’ve

Been looking at you

You can tell that I am gone, gone, gone

 

Sometimes I wish I’d never spoken

Honesty can be too open

It’s not what I was hoping for

I didn’t mean to open up that door

I wish I’d never spoken

 

It was going oh so well

Still could be I can’t tell

Now I don’t know what you’re thinking

Those three little words

Were they ready to be heard

Should my heart fly or be sinking

 

Well I’ve said it now

My feelings out loud

But I don’t want you to be gone, gone, gone

 

Sometimes I wish I’d never spoken

Honesty can be too open

It’s not what I was hoping for

I didn’t mean to open up that door

I wish I’d never spoken

 

How long do you wait

To say I love you

How long do I look in your eyes

How long does it take

To say I love you

When’s the right time

 

Sometimes I wish I’d never spoken

Honesty can be too open

It’s not what I was hoping for

I didn’t mean to open up that door

I wish I’d never spoken

***

I woke up today with the thoughts I have everyday. Loving thoughts for you and us. I hope and believe you have the same thoughts that I do. I’m happy where we are and what has become of us. It’s something I don’t want to lose. Yet it’s an uncontrollable fear that I’m sure everyone experiences. We, by nature, are selfish creatures. Loss is something that can be crippling and scarring. We don’t want to lose what we have. We are willing to do everything we think is correct to keep what we have. But how do we know what we’re doing is right? How can we be sure that the littlest actions we commit may or may not be the trigger for the downfall tomorrow? We can’t. We can never know.

Communication helps but from what I’ve learned, it can only go so far. It’s always been emphasized that we should talk to our loved ones in order to clear up any misunderstandings or subtle, under-the-surface emotions, but it can be easier said than done. It may feel like a confrontation at times, and it scares people. Talking too little is of course bad, but talking too much can also be detrimental. In a relationship where every little thing has to be discussed doesn’t seem to be very smooth or healthy. We should learn to pick up the little clues and learn more about the other person. Some people click well and have no problem synchronizing themselves to people and their surroundings; others have a lot of trouble clicking. It really comes down to having a little faith, and being more conscious of our environment. We just need to take a little time and put ourselves in the other person’s situation, be a little more empathetic and understanding of what other people are thinking, feeling, seeing. Everyone has a different view of life, so we can’t enforce our values or perspective on them. 

Two of the truest mottos that I live by are: “Everything happens for a reason” and “Live life like tomorrow is your last.” 

“I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they’re right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.” -Marilyn Monroe. I truly believe that everything happens for a reason. It makes life a lot simpler and a lot easier to live through. If there was no sense behind the things that happen, it would be very hard to live through the hard and painful times. We wouldn’t have Hope, Dreams, Positivity, or a future outlook for that matter. And without Hope, what’s the point of living? 

Hope is different from expectations. Hope is more existential and profound, while expectations are more primitive and simple. Hope goes on even when all things fail, while expectations are more transitory. One can expect a lot of things to happen a certain way, and when they don’t, we throw a tantrum, get angry, sad, disappointed, but we get over it. Hope is something you carry with you throughout life. Keyword Life. Because once you lose hope, you are no longer living, merely existing. Saying one has no expectations is bullshit, or you’re just lying to yourself. We do, however, learn to expect LESS. When one expects less, we are likely to not get emotionally affected when things don’t meet the standards. 

I can’t really say that expecting less is a good or bad thing. For one, it’s a great defense mechanism. I know I’ve employed it a lot. I don’t expect much, because I tend to get let down when reality doesn’t line up with fantasy. Which it never will. Some may consider it pessimism or cynicism, but it really does hurt less. However, on the flip side, when you expect less, you get less, because expectations are based on one’s own standards. Having low standards is bad; having high standards is equally bad. Both of which will not give you any happiness. Gotta find some sort of middle ground, but the shittiest thing is, you’ll probably have a REALLY hard time finding that. 

I’ll always have Hope though. Hope for the best. Hope for happiness. Hope that everything will turn out great, and that everything will all make sense in the end. Even if the good things that I have right now falls apart, I will still hope for the best (Yes, I knocked on wood). 

“Live Each Day As If It Were Your Last… Tomorrow is Not Promised.”

I try to live each day with no regrets. Throughout my life, there have been few things that I’ve regretted doing. My past has made me who I am today. And I’m pretty happy with myself. I still have much to learn, much to do, much to accomplish in my life. Yet I still realize that I am Human. And things can happen unexpectedly. I wake up every morning happy and grateful. I’m happy for the things that life has given me. My home, my family, my education, my health, my ability to love and be loved, my morals/values/potential, and my life. I do take some of these things for granted sometimes, but I try my best not to. I understand that life is short. It may be the longest experience for a person, but if you really looked at the whole picture, one’s life is quite short. Some shorter than others. So there’s not point living in past or with regrets. The past will NEVER come back, and even if they do/it does, it will never come back in the pristine condition like when you first discovered it. The best one can do is learn from it, move on, and make oneself better for the future. I wouldn’t change my past and I would never want to go back to it. 

There is also no tomorrow. We can hope for tomorrow to come, but it really isn’t guaranteed. Nothing in life is guaranteed except Change and Death. Yes, taxes too, but that’s not important. There is really only the present. You only have this moment, right now, that is guaranteed. You’re still breathing. Your heart is still miraculously beating. Your brain is still functional. So what are you going to spend your vitality on? This isn’t an excuse to go out and blow your savings and brain cells on cocaine, alcohol, and sex. If that’s the (short) life you want to live, then it’s your decision. No one can really say/do anything (they will, but it’s still your decision; your life to spend; free will and all). It’s also not an excuse to not think about the future, because you may still very well be alive tomorrow, next few weeks, next 10 years. It would probably be stupid and short-sighted to just forsake the future for the present. =) What I mean is to be happy right now. Enjoy the moment that you have right now. Don’t hold yourself back just to regret it later on. Don’t stop yourself from expressing your feelings. Don’t stop showing the people around you that you care, because they may not be there tomorrow. 

I’ll never stop showing people that I love them. Even at the risk of them getting tired of me. Even at the risk of them changing their feelings for me. Even at the risk of them leaving me. I’ll take that risk. I love with no regrets. If things don’t turn out well in the end, at least I can look back and say I did my best. People are not mind-readers, and because everyone is different, you can’t always apply the same methods on them. Especially when it comes to Love. One can change their methods, because it probably didn’t work in the past, but what if this new change actually did the opposite? What if this new person was the perfect person for this method? You’ll never know. So, the best thing you can do is do what you do best. Don’t hold back and just let go. Love the only way you know how to love. Because how can Love be wrong? It’s the only RIGHT thing in this messed-up world. If it didn’t work out, then they weren’t the one. If they’re the one, then it’ll all work out. Everything happens for a reason. 

I will continue to love you the way I always have. Even if I’m scared that you’ll get bored of me and leave me, I will still love you in this way. It’s the only way I know how to love. I just don’t want to wake up one morning just to find that what’s important to me is gone, only because I held myself back out of fear. You know my greatest fear, but I have never and will never let that fear get in my way. You taught me that, didn’t you? To overcome one’s fears, to make oneself better, to be true. So this is me. I have been honest with you and my feelings since the beginning. I have been honest to myself in every relationship. Those relationships ended simply because they didn’t work, but I regret nothing. 

“I’ve become a better person than I ever was yesterday. I continue to keep growing and learning today. I’ll achieve what I set out to do tomorrow.”